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Surprising Female Features That Seem To Attract Men The Most

1. Women Are Attractive

I would like to preface with this fact: men will love women no matter what. If tomorrow a trend starts where women wrap their faces in dirty trash bags and only speak in riddles, men will eventually get on board. “They’re still pretty. Okay, I don’t see a problem.” That being said, here are some of the many things that will get a man in your pants.

2. When In Doubt, Ovulate!

There was once a study that involved men smelling a selection of various ladies’ shirts. The boys liked the shirts that smelled like women ovulating. Classic, boys! So if you want to get laid, just wear a shirt that says “I AM OVULATING AND FERTILE” with the picture of a healthy baby.

3. Laugh at Stupid Boy Jokes

Here’s a fact: men are 100{029e3fbae0eb99b2a5e5ac7c16b0f7db1f65c407150f4c8026e2cffb69b05632} hilarious. Have you ever seen a dude burp before? Spoiler alert, it’s funny AF. The truth is, everyone thinks they have a good sense of humor, and men want ladies to laugh at their testosterone-inspired jokes. They really do. Even if the punchline is a burp. Especially if the punchline is a burp.

4. Tell the Truth

Honesty is the best policy! Do people still believe that? I guess so! Studies suggest that men prefer women who are honest. I would say that everyone prefers people are honest. Honesty is cool and requires bravery. Also, trust is obviously a key element of intimacy. So tell your man about that time you had a fever and let a wet fart slip in yoga class. If you keep it a secret, he may never forgive you.

5. Wear Too Much Red

Men and women alike are attracted to people wearing red. I think it’s because red is the color of the devil. All hail Satan, am I right? Yes. Yes I am. So wear as much red as you possibly can. The more articles of clothing you can put on your body that are red, the better chance you have at sex. Bulk order red bandannas online and wear them all at once. At least fifteen at a time. Trust me.

6. Become a Mime!

Apparently, dudes like it when women mirror their actions. So if he touches his shoulder, you should touch your shoulder too. If he plays with his hair, you should play with your hair too. If he makes a racially charged comment about your waiter, well, maybe don’t do that. It’s up to you. And yes, my search history now includes the phrase “sexy mime pictures.”

7. The Cheerleader Effect

The “cheerleader effect” is what happens when you learn how to do a back-flip, and it makes you spread a rumor that Becky is pregnant. She is fat though, right? No, she’s not. She’s a perfectly healthy weight for her age and body type. The “cheerleader effect” is actually the phenomenon that women appear more attractive in groups. So, do that! Fun fact: the source of this image is an article about feminism.

8. Some Men Might Like Your Personality

Ew. Personality? What even is that? UGH! According to one study, men prefer women who are confident, kind, and open, regardless of their body size. TLDR; not being a douche makes you more attractive. Could have guessed that one.

9. Be Sweaty

Men like scents. The abstract of a study on the subject states that “Our findings suggest that […] a positive state (happiness) can be transferred by means of odors.” Based on this information, here’s a guide. Step one, be happy. Step two, sweat a lot. Step three, collect your sweat in a jar. Step four, rub your collected sweat on various men. Step five, boyfriends for dayz.

10. Be Funnier

Everyone likes someone who can make them laugh. And I’ve heard that women can be funny in extreme circumstances, so maybe give it a shot! Disclaimer: be selectively funny. For example, if the sight of your naked boyfriend makes you want to say, “Wow, that looks like a pink turnip,” instead, say, “Wow, that looks like a large pink turnip.”

11. Wear Glasses

Don’t need glasses? Too bad. Buy some anyway. Getting in car accidents every day because you’re wearing unnecessary glasses? Suck it up. Going bankrupt because you’re constantly buying new cars and paying for the life-saving surgery of the people you hit? Easy fix. Buy more glasses. And a good lawyer. But mainly more glasses.

12. Don’t Wear a Ton of Makeup

Studies show that women look better with less makeup. But, that’s not to say that women look better with no makeup. Women look the best when they wear enough makeup to make it seem like they’re not wearing makeup. Sexuality is weird. Just find a breathable Halloween mask, put that on, and move on with your life.

13. Be Kind of Fat

Well, no. Eat healthy and be whatever body type you are. Men like women with curves. Men also like women who are stick thin, but only if they are stick thin and still pounding cheeseburgers ‘erryday. Actually, if you’re stick thin and pounding cheeseburgers ‘erryday, you might have diabetes.

14. Get Rich

Look, everyone loves money. Money allows you to buy happiness and true friends, but raking in the benjamins will also give you access to the highest caliber of sexy man meat. He might not fall in love with you, but if you make a trail of $100 bills leading to your bedroom, chances are you’ll catch an Abercrombie model.

15. Just Be You!

This advice is the best and also the core message of Toy Story 1, 2, and 3. If you want a healthy, long-term relationship, then you have to be honest about who you are. You can’t fake it forever; it’s simple but true. However, if you’re just looking for some sweet D, then yeah, lie your ass off. You’re never going to see that sexy man slut again anyway.